I remember the first time someone told me “Being happy is simply a choice!”. I nearly punched him in the face. How dare someone tell me that my misery and inability to experience consistent happiness was my choice. I mean seriously WTF!, Who even says that. He had no idea what I had been though, he didn’t know my story, what gave him that right to say “Happiness is a choice”. The fact is I didn’t know what he had been through either, I didn’t know his story, (and the truth is mine was pretty tame and lame in comparison) Lol, Oopps. The only difference was he had learnt the simple art of happiness.
I used to look at ‘happiness’ like it was a goal, an ever illusive objective. When I get a new car I will be happy, when I get married I’ll be happy, when I have a child I’ll be happy, when my husband does everything I want and need him to without me telling him or even asking I’ll be happy, Lol. When I have a better paying job I’ll be happy, when the sun is shining (but not to hot) I’ll be happy. You are getting my point here right?. My happiness was totally 100% about what the outside world gave me, it was completely externally based. So you can guess what happened…… I got it all and I STILL wasn’t happy. If anything I was more depressed and stressed and desperate then ever, because if these things didn’t make me happy then what would? And that is a scary thought….. ‘will I ever be happy?!’ And the answer to that question based on my idea of happiness and my strategy to achieve it was NO! Oh faarrk. So I spent my time being cranky, irritated and a victim of my own mind, and it was shit. And everything I experienced in life was for the most part shit.
So what changed??
I am not going to go through the whole story of what took me to the day, the very moment that everything shifted BUT what changed… simply and I mean really simply I CHOSE to be happy, I CHOSE to look at my life and take notice of all the little, tiny, itty, bitty things in my life that were a great reason to be happy. I CHOSE to see myself as whole and complete and so capable of creating my own happiness. I chose to notice all the amazing things within me and around me that were worth being grateful for AND, I CHOSE to NOT focus on and obsess over the things in my life that were not so great and that I had no control over. You see nothing and I mean NOTHING in my life had changed, my family, my home, my job, everything was the same. The only thing that changed is the way I saw it all and the fact that I chose to take responsibility for ME, my life, my emotions, my happiness, instead of leaving it up to the outside world to influence it for me.
We cannot escape the fact that the world is happening, Life is happening, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year and so on. And life is not happening to us, we are happening to life, it is up to us what we do with it, how we feel within it and what we choose to believe about it. So the question is what are you choosing? What are you choosing to see, to feel, to notice, to focus on? How are your choices effecting and impacting on your life, how are they shaping it?
You see we all have the the ability to choose whether we react or respond to life. When we react it is without thought and without choice, when we respond, we think and choose how we respond. I trust that makes sense. For example, if our boss is riding us hard and asking alot of us, we can react emotionally feeling victimised and like it is unfair or we can think through our options and choose to respond by either seeing validation in the request, working harder, talking with our boss about the situation, or if we decide it is in our best interest, move on from the organisation. Whether it is fair or not is actually irrelevant, because whether it is fair or not does not change the fact that it is happening and it is not within our control, the only thing that is within our contril, is how we respond. By us choosing how we respond we can choose to be happy and not live as a victim of circumstance and of our own emotions, we can take control of ourselves and ultimately become the victors of our own life. And I think you can agree, that if we are in control and the Victors of our own life and emotions we are going to choose happiness right?
One of the greatest learnings I ever accepted was that me being angry, hurt or pissed off by someone actually has no effect on them what so ever, the only person it effects is….. you guessed it ME. So if it has no effect on them and it only effects me then why on earth would I do that to myself. WHY, because we all have this thing called an EGO, and that ego has a habit of stomping up and down and saying “but I have been wronged, I need to make my injustices heard!” So my next question is would you rather be right or happy? Because if they don’t give a shit then why are you wasting your energy on it? Why are you losing sleep over it? If you know that you are whole, complete, and of great worth, then really their ‘STUFF’ is actually irrelevant once again, so again why let it effect your happiness, why let yourself play victim. Then again maybe you do not truly believe that you are whole, complete, and of great worth. And maybe that is why you cannot allow yourself to experience consistent happiness, and other people have such an impact on you because maybe on some level you believe you are not worth happiness….. Now if that has just stirred something in you, with so much love I say, with this to, you also have a choice. You can choose to change that belief, you can choose to do something about it, there is so much available to you to start now!
This is only intended to be a very short blog, so I am going to wrap up now before I go down one of the several rabbit holes we could dive into on this subject and leave you with the questions of, what are you choosing in life? What are you taking notice of? Are you playing the role of victim or victor? And do you truly believe you are worth experiencing happiness?
Happiness is not something that happens to us because of what the world around us is doing of giving us, true happiness is something we choose and create within us. And when we choose to embrace this belief and choose to live it, we start to notice so much more joyous parts of our life We start to expand our awareness of the beautiful and truly wonderful things we experience and we start to create an amazing ripple effect as we radiate our infectious, joyous energy. You have everything you need within you right now to make this choice, so my last question is… What is stopping you?
I trust this serves, and if you have any questions or if you choose to start making some changes and don’t know where to start,….. Start here!! Now! Take action!! Reach out give me a buzz or shoot me an email and I will help you work it out.